7/22/25 I have an hour commute to and from work, this gives me plenty of time to “get in my head”. Much of this time is spent pondering what is currently happening in my life, catching up on phone calls (hands free, of course) and what I see out on the road. The human condition is something that has always given me pause. We are all flesh, we all have our “faults”, none of us are perfect and none of us do interpersonal relationships perfectly….that’s why it’s called “human”! For me, due to some schooling in psychology and just the way I’m wired, I’ve always said that if I could find the back story, figure out why someone is doing something, what experiences they’ve had or what they’re dealing with that could make them, or would make them, respond to people the way they do, then I can empathize and forgive people almost anything….almost. My dad has always said that until we can “walk in their moccasins” we don’t know what someone else is dealing with! He’s so VERY correct in that statement!

Since it’s one of the things currently occurring in my life right now, as I said in a previous post….my “person” had a stroke 3.5 weeks ago, he’s only 58. To say he and everyone that loves him have been on a roller coaster for the last 3.5 weeks would be something of an understatement! Early on this path, I had to make some decisions in how I would deal with this development. As a career woman with her own home and responsibilities, I knew (from life experience with other family health situations) that this would be a tough one to navigate and keep my own sanity and that I could easily deplete myself, my reserves and cost myself and my family much needed time, while I hyper focused on “fixing” this. Oftentimes when something like this happens, human condition can dictate fear, uncertainty, even rage, despair and hopelessness. If you knew what we had been through, including the last year and a half where I had become a very angry human being while processing all the damage that his bipolar and TBI had done, you would understand why this stroke should have elicited even more anger at everything that was “stolen” from him, from me and from “us”. Instead, almost from the moment I found him in the condition he was in and got him help, I mentally hit my knees. So, yes, people say they’ve hit their knees along with the cute little lament to “give it to God”. Isn’t that a simple little thing? Yeah, no, no it most definitely is not. Why? Because we are human! We ARE the human condition!! Human condition is, all too often, relying on our own understanding. How’s that working for you? I can honestly say, it doesn’t generally do much for me. To try to apply the empathetic response I have to other people’s behavior to life events so that I can understand them just isn’t the same thing. I’m a self-confessed “fixer”, nickname is Livie (think Olivia Pope from Scandal), I make things happen and I get them done but I am, by no means, omnipotent! So, leaning into God…once again that “free fall” is not so easy. I mean, I understand, and I wholeheartedly believe that everything that happens, happens for a reason, subject to His divine plan, it’s just that He’s driving that bus and me, in my human condition, will climb over, under and around Him, in an attempt to steer! Thing about that is that God, like any good Dad, KNOWS that!! Why? Because He created us! He created this human condition and because He unconditionally LOVES us, He understands us and He knows, before we do, HOW we will react! He gave us free will to CHOSE Him. And, people, we may have to make the conscious effort to KEEP choosing Him when the proverbial stuff hits the fan! With unlimited patience, as our Creator, He also lets us fraggle around, poking our noses in His plan, relying on our own strength and exhausting ourselves trying to steer that bus and grab that pen to rewrite the story that only He can edit!! Whew, sobering thought. Conversely, a very comforting thought. Excuse me, Julie, but comforting, in the midst of such tragedy? Yes, comforting. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is where I found myself the night my person had his stroke.

In the days and weeks since, I have run a gamut of emotions, I have had to make a choice EVERY SINGLE DAY to choose joy, gentleness and gratefulness, despite knowledge that some of his limitations could be permanent and to honor my responsibilities in my own life, continue to LIVE my life, that might mean I’m not able to be there with a watchful eye to purvey his progress. But how? In this, the fifth decade of my life here, I think I finally understand the concept of a word that has come out of my mouth hundreds of thousands of times….Grace. More specifically, giving MYSELF Grace. Whoa! What? Yes, as a son or daughter of our Lord, we can’t keep pouring into others, no matter how much we’d like to, without giving ourselves Grace. Grace to not be there every moment, to enjoy our life, to attend to responsibilities and Grace to acknowledge our very Human Condition and the emotions that go along with that condition while recognizing full well that He engineered us to feel them. It’s a balancing act, for sure, it truly is finding that balance, feeling joy, digging deep and landing on gratefulness and, if you’re a bit of an intimidating creature (I hear I can be, LOL), slowing down to check yourself and make sure you’re offering the gentleness your heart is feeling! And when you fail at any or all of these, it’s giving yourself Grace and starting again, knowing He’s got you, He’s got the situation and His love and His arms are wide enough to meet you where you’re at and provide the peace and comfort that only He can, even when we don’t understand and are trying too hard to lean on our own understanding. So, my friends, I will navigate another day in this unfamiliar territory, with the wholehearted belief that His plan is infinitely better than mine and looking for the small moments of joy and victory that might usually be overlooked in a busy life while taking the time to use my heart and hands to convey the gentleness and goodness of Christ to those around me, even in this storm.